Dino Eating Dash
September 1, 2016
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July 4th is known to most as the national holiday celebrating the United States’s independence. On this date, the biggest competitive eating contest and the most patriotic holiday surprisingly coincide. The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest is the most highly anticipated competitive eating showdown. Matt Stonie, an American competitive eater ranked second in the nation, devotes countless hours preparing for this event. Stonie does cardio and weights, improves nutrition, and he fasts for this competition. During the contest, competitive eaters gorge on hot dogs for ten minutes straight. This is the single most important showdown of the competitive eating calendar.
August 25th, Miramonte held its very first Dino Nugget eating contest on the quad. Students and staff devoured nuggets at a rapid pace while bystanders circled around the lunch table like ants to a leftover candy bar. Some students were disqualified in a matter of seconds as they used their hands to eat the nuggets. Other more determined competitors duked it out for the top three spots hoping to receive one of the coveted gift cards. Driven by their prize, the amatuer eaters continued to stretch their stomach’s limits.
Miramonte discovered its own Matt Stonie in freshman JP Nelson. He rose to stardom in the opening moments of the face-off. JP was determined to be the Cinderella story of this year’s event and broke out of the gates as fast as Lightning McQueen vying for the Piston Cup. However, JP began to feel like he was “giving birth through his throat” and dropped the bowl of nuggets and dashed to the nearest trash bin. He stood, hunched over the garbage can,vomiting, as his friend patted his back. Nelson now regrets his lack of preparations for the event and recommends to anyone who wishes to be a competitive eater that they prepare for their competitions. Also, JP advocates that “only people that are good at speed eating” should take part in the dangerous sport of competitive eating. Although he planned to make his name at Miramonte, this was not at all what he anticipated. Much like Jefferson and his fellow patriots on the 4th of July, the Dinos declared their independence from JP in emphatic fashion.