Two-Way Street: Battle Royales and Dwight Howard
March 9, 2012
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“half the editor…twice the facial hair.”
Battle Royale (Jared Allen vs. Marshawn Lynch)
Tennyson: Weighing in at 270 pounds, with a height of 6’6’’, and sporting one of the most epic mullets of all time, Jared Allen is the man. If Allen isn’t the best defensive player in the NFL, he’s certainly among the best. Allen has recorded 105 sacks in his career, which is the most since he’s joined the league in 2004. He has also received four Pro Bowl selections, is a four time All-Pro, and has received numerous other awards in his career. Outside of the NFL, Allen has certainly lived a wild life. In Allen’s early life, he had a hot streak and often started fights. He was thrown out of high school, thrown out of a college game, and even thrown into jail multiple times. When he’s not getting into trouble, Allen enjoys doing rodeo activities such as calf roping and steer wrestling. Allen stated that when he leaves the NFL he plans on returning to the rodeo. That’s pretty badass. Allen isn’t afraid to do whatever is necessary to win, and that’ll help in a battle to the death. In a game, Allen told Ray Edwards “I’m going to punch you square in your wiener, dude,” and then proceeded to follow through with his word. Jared Allen is sort of nuts, and as I’ve stated before, you have to be a little crazy if you want to win a fight.
Trevor: A bulky 5’11’’ 215 pounds, Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks is one of the strongest, most dynamic running backs in the NFL. Although he may be shorter than his peers, his biceps are bigger than their faces, and he would kill anyone that was dumb enough to fight him. Out of high school, Lynch was so coveted for his strength and speed that he made it to Cal with below a 2.5 grade point average. With a career 3,230 rushing yards and 35 touchdowns, Lynch dominated college football and almost led the California Golden Bears to a national championship. In the NFL, with the Buffallo Bills and Seattle Seahawks, Lynch has a total of 4,542 yards and 35 touchdowns. If his stats aren’t enough to impress you, Marshawn Lynch is a pioneer of the hyphy movement in the Bay Area, which would put him over the top in any tussel. Lastly, Marshawn has a classic set of dreads, which supercede any type of weird, hick mullet. It’s not everyday that you find a player that can go beast mode on the field, run “stupid fast,” eat skittles on the sideline, stiffarm Tracy Porter and down eight Applebee’s appetizers, everyday. In any fight, Lynch would represent the Bay and dominate.
To Trade or Not to Trade?: Dwight Howard
Trevyson Maechnitz: The Orlando Magic need to trade Dwight Howard for their own good and that of their superstar. It’s no secret that Dwight wants out, and if he doesn’t get traded before the deadline, then he’s just going to leave at the end of the year as a free agent. The Magic were in a similar situation years ago with Shaquille O’Neal, who left Orlando for greener pastures in Los Angeles. The best situation is to trade him to the New Jersey Nets. The Magic would receive Brook Lopez, a talented center in his own right, and other solid, young players, while Superman and maybe some other less important non-factors are sent to New Jersey. The Nets would have the superstar duo of Howard and point guard Deron Williams and the Magic wouldn’t be hung out to dry come the end of Howard’s contract. Howard would probably receive some success while playing with one of the best point guards in the league. Then, in a perfect situation, Howard and Williams will realize at the end of the year that the best place for them is Los Angeles and both of them will bail out of Brooklyn and join the Lake Show. Or, in a slightly less ideal world, Mark Jackson works some magic and pulls Howard to the Golden State.