How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for Harry Potter

Megan Freeman

I never thought I would live to say this, but the seventh movie of Harry Potter is coming out in TWO FREAKING WEEKS! That’s right people, T minus 14 days until we get to watch our favorite boy wizard battle evil on the big screen.  This may well be the most anxiously awaited film of our generation (at least until part II comes out) so you’d better go see it, unless you want to be one of the three pompous prats in the world that didn’t want to go.

Muggles like us have to take extreme cautions when viewing such high concentrations of wizarding epicness.  There have been several cases where people’s brains have actually exploded.  In order to protect yourself from spontaneous cranial combustion, please take the following precautions to mentally prepare yourself for the film:

1.  If you haven’t read the books already, you can go shove your wand where the sun don’t shine.  You probably think you are too smart to read a little kids book about wizards and dragons and fairies.  Get off your high horse and go read the internationally beloved books that practically define our generation, dammit!  Yes, the books do contain dragons (really awesome ones) and fairies (well, they really only keep them in jars for atmospheric lighting during the Yule Ball.  And then there are Cornish pixies, which are totally different), but that doesn’t mean that the series is beneath you.  Go read them.  Now.

2.   Watch the trailer online 100 times, or at least until you stop getting chills and crying with joy/terror when Voldemort says, “I have seen your heart… and it is mine!”

3.   Get your tickets early.  Shame on you if you don’t already have them!  Tickets went on sale on Oct. 15.  You can probably get them online if there are any left.

4.  Organize an outing with your friends to go see the midnight premiere.  It is on a Thursday night so you might be a bit sleepy in class on Friday, but if you don’t see it you will be so excited to see it after school that you probably won’t be able to pay attention anyways.  Also, bring a box of tissues if you are the kind of person that bursts into tears when people die in books and movies.  Believe me, there will be plenty of dying going on (and this shouldn’t be a surprise to you because you are not the kind of person in number 1).

5.  Remember that the movies don’t always meet the sky-high expectations set by the books.  Potterheads often leave the theater feeling let down or depressed.  Don’t fret, these feelings are temporary and can be cured by a simple cheering charm, or by re-reading the books.