Silly Old Wives’ Tales


Senor Hannah Tennant demonstrates how eating bread crusts gives you curly hair.

Dani Vignos, Entertainment Editor

Eating carrots will improve your vision.
Yes, what your parents have been telling you for years is in fact true! Carrots contain beta-carotene, which is good for your eyes. Unfortunately, stocking up the fridge with copious amounts of carrots and snacking on them until your extremities turn orange will not dramatically improve vision.

Do not swim an hour after eating: You will drown and die!
This may cause minor cramps, as would any exercise preceding consumption of food, but fear not. Death is not imminent. Those monsters in the water who smell the food on the breath and bodies of young children do not actually exist. So swim your heart out, and quit wasting time.

Swallowed gum takes seven years to digest.
Avoid swallowing massive blobs of gum on a regular basis, but the occasional slip-up is fine. Gum passes through our systems like any other piece of food.  This silly old wives tale most likely came from parents condoning gum chewing because God forbid we look like poorly-educated, lip-smacking hicks.

Touching toads will give you warts.
Don’t be deceived by a toad’s warty and slimy appearance. These unfortunate qualities can’t be transmitted through contact. If you’re touching toads, you might have bigger problems to worry about. They could release a poison leading to your fatality! Uh oh.

Eating bread crusts will make your hair curly.
Apparently every child’s dream is to have luscious locks of blonde curly hair, so eating the crust on your PB and J was an incentive to be beautiful. Unfortunately, all you believers will have to settle for thin, dingy, brown, hair because eating your crust will not transform you.

Do not go to bed with wet hair or you will catch a cold.
This is a hard one so Mirador turned to Eric Hass for insight: “There is no Rhino virus in wet hair. Duh. But you might catch pneumonia.” Now, how come Eric Hass can tell us this, but midwives from the 17th century can’t? If you need someone more knowledgeable to care for your children call Eric Hass at (925)-348-4344.

If you swallow a watermelon seed, you’ll grow a watermelon in your stomach.
All of those women who are “pregnant” are actually nurturing a watermelon in their stomachs. Babies come from storks, don’t cha know?

If you get pooped on by a bird it is good luck.
Yes, generally speaking poop is good luck. Plop yourself strategically on the senior lawn, and you’ll have good luck for years!