Julia and Julia Answer Your Questions

Julia and Julia Answer Your Questions

K. Wolffe

Juniors Julia Hass and Julia Govan exercise their wisdom and answer questions asked by the MHS student body.

Julia Hass and Julia Govan, Staff Writers

Dear Mirador,
As a freshman I can’t drive and I really want my permit but I’m still only 14. How can I pass the time until I can get my permit?
From, Permitless

Dear Permitless,
Seeing how having your permit is the WORST experience in the entire world, instead of longing for this horrible time, I would cherish the luxury of being chauffeured around. Though actually having your license provides incredible freedom, the six months getting there couldn’t be worse. The whole ordeal is just an incredibly trying time, putting both you and the guardian in the car at extreme risk of heart attacks. Be warned that gasps, frantic clutchings of the armrest, and the occasional lunge for the steeling wheel will occur, even if you are only going 25 miles per hour. We would suggest waiting until you are 18 to get your license, bypassing the parent interaction. If this doesn’t sound doable, remember you have been forewarned.

Dear Mirador,
I’ve been working out a lot and am now too fit for my jeans, and I haven’t been able to go shopping yet to get new ones for my new bod. The main problem is that when I go places with my boyfriend, he’s too chivalrous and always lets me go in front of him, so he has a view of my now saggy jeans. What should I do about this?
From, Too Fit For My Jeans

Dear Too Fit For My Jeans,
Woah, woah, woah. Hold the phone. If I could describe to you the amount of dancing and shimmying that is required for me to get into MY pants, you WOULD NOT be complaining to me about being “too fit for my jeans.” And your boyfriend is TOO chivalrous? What is wrong with you? If you don’t have the time or the money to go shopping for new pantswear, we suggest either a sturdy belt or borrowing a younger siblings pair of pants. If THIS doesn’t work, then I’m afraid eating all the junk food you want to gain back those extra pounds is your best option.

Dear Mirador,
My girlfriend always mentions how hot Taylor Lautner is, and I’m starting to feel somewhat “second string.” She’s now bringing up the upcoming Breaking Dawn movie and wants me to go with her, but I know it will be somewhat awkward when Taylor’s chest is unreasonably chiseled… and mine is well, not. Without killing myself at the gym 24/7, How do I show my girlfriend that I’m just as good as Taylor?
From, Flabby Tummy

Dear Flabby Tummy,
Remember that while Taylor Lautner is very attractive, and does in fact have rock hard abs, I believe that going to the Breaking Dawn movie would be very healthy for you, because seeing how badly he acts will boost your confidence right up. If she is, however, looking for the bad boy turned werewolf type, first, you should stop by local thrift store and pick up some cut-off ripped jean shorts. Next, go on YouTube and check out one of the many videos showing exactly how to best fake your abs. (We recommend communitychannel’s “How to Fake a Six Pack.”) Next, two words: spray tan. After this you’ll be good to go. You will be able to fool literally anyone,* that you are in fact, Taylor Lautner.
*with severely impaired vision

Dear Mirador,
Though prom isn’t for a good five months, I’m starting to brainstorm the best ways to ask a girl to prom. Since I’m anticipating a large amount of rejections, I figured hey, why not start early? However, I would rather skip this embarrassing step of being rejected, and I would rather have a foolproof way of asking that ensures a yes. What are some good ways?
From, Prom-it-up-a-notch

Dear Prom-it-up-a-notch,
There are different ways to ensure a yes: for the girl to actually want to go with you, or, our favorite, having the situation being just too darn awkward for her to say no. Now since this way may not be an option, never fear, there are other methods. Warning: though this next way of asking may provide a temporary yes, it’s always an option that you will receive a last minute phone call saying they got mono. Now we don’t want to spell out exactly how to perfect the awkward situation, for we want you to get creative with this, but we’ll give you a few guidelines; make it extreme, make it ridiculous, make it public. From that, just trust awkwardness to do its magic.