Julia and Julia: Love Gurus at Your Service

Julia Hass and Julia Govan know that love can sometimes be scary and hilarious all at once. Hear what kind of advice they have for your love life!

Julia Hass and Julia Govan know that love can sometimes be scary and hilarious all at once. Hear what kind of advice they have for your love life!

Julia Hass and Julia Govan, Managing Editor and Opinion Editor

Dear Julia and Julia,

I’ve had the increasing fear that my girlfriend may love her cat more than she loves me. Whenever we’re together and I try to snuggle with her, she always chooses to cuddle with her awful cat instead.

How can I make sure that I’m her priority?


Second String Lover

Dear Second String Lover,

It does sound as though you are second string to her cat. Have no fear! This can be easily remedied. The thing that makes cats so appealing is their seeming inability to be tamed, their aloofness, etc. It seems only logical that you should attempt to adopt the personality of a cat to get your loved one running back to you. The next time she asks you if you’d like to hang out, or get something to eat, respond with a blase, “whatever,” as you continue to paddle aimlessly with a ball of yarn. Be hard to get, touchy and sensitive. If we know ANYTHING, it’s that this tactic will work.

Dear Julia and Julia,

How do I work up the courage to ask a girl I really like on a date? We have been friends for a while and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What if she isn’t into me?


An Anonymous Poor Soul

Dear An Anonymous Poor Soul,

First off, we’re flattered, but of course unsurprised, that you came to us with your dilemma. We’d be honored to help the “best friend” who just never seems to get the girl. But fear not, we’re confident your story will not have the same fate as those poor souls.

We first suggest subliminal messaging. We consider this tactic extremely underrated and are confident it will lead to favorable results. Mid conversation, slyly whisper “let’s date” under your breath a maximum of five times (you don’t want her catching on) and before you know it, she may bring up the topic of dating before you have the chance!

If this doesn’t work, which we’d like to point out as very unlikely, then there’s no better method than being up front and to the point about your feelings. But at the same time, if she doesn’t feel the same way it could be SUPER embarrassing. You really have to think, is she worth it?

Dear Julia and Julia,

I am an avid reader of your column in The Mirador. Upon receiving my edition of the two latest Miradors, I entered a deep state of depression after flipping through the pages and not finding your column. I haven’t been the same since. I can’t sleep, I’ve been fighting with my loved ones, and I simply have no desire to get out of bed in the morning. What can I do to get out of this slump?


George McConnell

Dear George McConnell,

While this is usually an anonymous column, we’re definitely impressed with your gumption and your willingness to expose your identity. Unfortunately, the highly regarded Julia and Julia advice column is not an every issue column. We’re deeply sorry for any spikes in blood sugar we may have inflicted upon you, or any other devoted readers, in our times of absence. We send our most heartfelt regards and express our greatest sympathies. But in our minds, the old proverb will always ring true, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” We can only ask of you to exercise patience until we return again in print within the sacred, grey pages. As, for some reason, we always do.

Dear Julia and Julia,

I’m a junior guy at Miramonte and with J-prom just around the corner, all of my friends are beginning to talk about who they’re going to ask, and how. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about three months, so it’s obvious we’re going to go together. Do I still have to make a big show out of asking her or can I just casually ask in person?


A Guy

Dear A Guy,

We’re going to save you a lot of time and confusion with our response. While it really depends on your girlfriend, we recommend you ask in a little more spontaneous way than popping the question in the middle of the halls during passing period. Nothing fancy is required, but you know what they say about assuming. That it’s bad.