Julia and Julia Bid Adieu to You

Julia Govan and Julia Hass

Dear Julia and Julia,

Next year, like most other Miramonte students, I’m doing the whole college thing. Growing up in the ‘burbs, it’s the next logical step right? After high school you go to college and then maybe some grad school and then you work in a cubicle until you drop. That’s great and all and I would gladly fall into place if it weren’t for my burning desire to be a traveling musician. You know, one of those guys who grows their hair out, gets a pet dog and sits on some street corner singing their heart out. What should I do? Can I break the conformity of Orinda and not go to college and follow my dreams? I’m sorry to come to you with such a serious question but you two are the only ones who get me.

From,

A Dreamer

 

Dear Dreamer,

Have no doubt, this thought has been prevalent in the minds of most Miramonte students as high school draws to a close and the daunting thought of college draws ever closer. I know we, Julia and I, seriously discussed the idea of dropping the whole college application process and instead going on the road as the next big comedy duo, taking over the nation with our witty banter and hilarious routines. However, after trying out our stand up routine on our parents, who supposedly love us most in this world, we were brought down with a resounding round of booing. So we picked up the pieces of our shattered hearts and realized college may be a better idea after all. I recommend putting on a small performance for one of your meanest friends, and let their heartbreakingly cruel comments wipe the thought of this musician idea forever from your mind and resign to the safe, though mundane, life of a cubicle man.

 

Dear Julia and Julia,

How is the Mirador going to recover (both emotionally and financially) from losing its most popular column, Julia and Julia?

From,

Concerned and Obsessed

 

Dear Concerned and Obsessed,

First off, we’d like to give a quick, and much deserved, shout out to our fans’ unyielding support over the past two years. We won’t try to hide that due to our upcoming parting we have received a few good natured blackmails, some threatening the well being of our families, pleading us not to leave Miramonte. But, with heavy regrets, it is time for us to bid our farewells. It may come as a surprise to many a Miramonteans that there were in fact other articles in the paper besides the highly esteemed advice column. It could very well be rough economic times for the Mirador with our departing as it’s a little known fact that we encourage personal donations from our hopeless advicees. And while our names may never again grace these holy pages, we suggest watching our comedic equals, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, to best remember our hilarity.

 

Dear Julia and Julia,

I’ve been reading your column for the past two years, and it’s been the most painful article for me to read. I’ve been reading it to know what not to do in certain situations, and I’m just wondering how on earth you managed to get printed.

From,

Anonymous

 

 

Dear Meanie,

Welllll not seeing a whole lot of questions in there, but we’ll address it anyways. To be honest, we’ve been receiving these type of queries for some time now, and we realized it’s now or never to finally address them, as hurtful to our egos as they may be. This advice column rather fell into our laps, as it were, and we accepted the challenge readily, for we have no talent in any other area, so we figured we may as well give advice about stuff we know absolutely nothing about. The times we managed to get a slot in the paper were not without their obstacles,  for our editors had similar concerns as you. However, we managed multiple times to slide past the fastidious eyes of the man in charge (Ms. Quiter). But alas, the time has come for us to say farewell, and to inflict our incomprehensible thoughts on other poor souls.