Is James Franco Worth The Hype? | Con


Katrina Kovalik, News Editor

Celebrities already make us feel bad with their good looks, but now they make us feel bad about our inability to multitask.

James Franco: the very definition of an over-achiever. We know he is good-looking and has some acting talent, but does he also have to be an author, a student, an artist, a model, a filmmaker, a singer, a soap-opera star, a

Golden Globe winner and the Oscar host? All at the same time? Way to make the masses feel even more inadequate. More and more people will fall into the depths of despair as they realize they can never reach the “James Franco standard.”

“How am I supposed to live up to that?” said senior Conor Bean. “My self-esteem is now substantially lower.”

And on top of everything, he makes it all look so easy. So when those who attempt to follow in his footsteps and juggle 20 activities at once fail, they will curse Mr. Franco for misleading them. At the very least, Franco should add to his list of accomplishments by creating a self-help DVD, entitled “How to Never Sleep.” (Disclaimer: If you’re not James Franco, you may not achieve expected results.)

“I used to think I could be a ridiculously successful actor while attending graduate school at Yale,” said Bean. “But after watching James Franco, I don’t think I could pull it off.”

The only explanation for Franco’s seemingly endless slew of activities, despite the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day, is time travel. This means that somehow, Franco got his Hogwarts acceptance letter, befriended

Hermione, and borrowed her Time-Turner. Yet another reason for all of us muggles to hate you.

Way to make us feel bad about ourselves. Soon psychologists will be diagnosing the low-self esteem sweeping the nation as the Franco Flu. The only known treatment for this condition is replaying YouTube videos of Franco drunkenly singing a Cher song at a Hollywood club. Temporary symptom relief is provided when his honest-to-God horrible voice reaches your ears. However, this treatment method only adds to Franco’s YouTube views, thereby increasing his overall popularity.

We all realize that Franco’s efforts to thrive in every artistic field are extremely overrated. Yet humble, ordinary humans can’t help but compare themselves to otherworldly beings like him.

Mr. Franco, now that all of your accomplishments have put ours in perspective, we all feel like crap.
But your performance at the Oscars made us feel a little bit better.