The Donald’s Bad Press Trumps His Hair

Tamar McCollom, Opinion Editor

Trump’s recent announcement that he will not be running for president comes as no surprise

Donald Trump is learning the hard way that despite the old adage, there most certainly is such a thing as bad publicity. Trump might have been able to work a notoriously unfortunate comb-over coif to his advantage for decades, but recently he, like many self-proclaimed celebrities before him, has been forced to realize the boundaries to which he can push his narcissism.

In the last month, the whole country watched “The Donald” take on the President with perhaps the lamest attacks imaginable. Trump’s first order of business was reigniting the Birther Movement, an issue that virtually no one, with the exception of a few very vocal low-hanging fruit, cared about or recognized. Granted, it makes perfect sense that a white woman from Kansas would fly to a third world country while pregnant to give birth to her first child in a hut, and then have the foresight to cover up her little jaunt to Africa in case little Barry decided to run for President one day. Oh yes, putting that moral quandary to rest is definitely something to be proud of.

And proud he was, indeed. For weeks, Trump paraded around as if he had invented the cure for male pattern baldness. But then came the big one-two punch. At the Correspondent’s Dinner, Barack Obama candidly lampooned Trump, who sat noticeably fuming in the crowd. Only days later, Obama, the bumbling buffoon whom Trump had deemed too dumb to go to Harvard, announced that he had killed Osama bin Laden, which must have put Trump’s life into a rather harsh perspective.

He had just fired a Real Housewife off of the Celebrity Apprentice, while the most powerful man in the world killed Public Enemy Number One. Then, as we have all seen countless times in the last few years, the very same media that gave birth to Trump’s misguided campaign turned around and tore him apart relentlessly.

Thus, Trump’s recent announcement that he will not in fact run for president in 2012, came as no surprise. Let’s be clear. Trump was never running for president, nor will he ever.  This entire campaign of embarrassment is rooted in his sheer desperation for attention. Trump is that washed up child star who woke up one morning to the realization that he is completely and inalterably irrelevant. Upon this discovery, the socially acceptable course of action is to join a VH1 reality TV show (shades of Celebrity Apprentice), marry a woman half your age (all Trump wives after Ivana), hit rehab (unlikely), and slide back into obscurity with a negligible amount of dignity left intact.

However, Trump has a larger ego (not to mention bank account) than Danny Bonaduce, which means that he’s unfortunately not quite satisfied with the wholesome realm of Celebreality. No, his last hurrah, a pathetic attempt at the presidency, had to be more far-reaching, delusional, and embarrassing. Why settle for bored, channel-surfing teenagers when you can have the whole country?

The catch, however, is that Trump could never have had the whole country. Despite public opinion, Americans aren’t half as dumb as they let on. There’s a reason why Sarah Palin isn’t in the White House, and Christine O’Donnell isn’t a senator. Gimmicks may drum up media attention, but they don’t necessarily equate to votes or respect. In a recent poll, 68% of Americans stated that they don’t believe that Trump is qualified to run for President. While this shouldn’t be surprising since the man is generally ridiculous and has no political experience, it’s still a rousing affirmation that Americans still have some decency and intelligence, no thanks to Fox News.

Honestly, Trump, you had to know you were screwed when the only person who publicly supported you was Gary Busey—a man so widely regarded as crazy that if the Hollywood elite were to hold a schoolyard baseball game, he and Mel Gibson would be huddled together, praying for the second-to-last pick.

Trump, your fifteen minutes are up. Hell, they were up after the first Ivana look-alike, but hopefully this media debacle will teach you to cut your 2011 Grand Tour of Idiocracy short.