New Rules to Rectify the Mistakes of Last Year

Tamar McCollom, Opinion Editor

Another year, another list of annoyances to be rectified. Mirador takes on politics, popular culture, hair, and unsanitary bathrooms with a list of new rules for the new year.

Define Santorum.

NBC cannot cancel Community. Have we learned nothing from the Great Arrested Development Tragedy of 2006?

If you are planning to vote for Mitt Romney, you must be able to properly identify his first name. Also, if you are part of the 16 percent of people polled that claim that Mitt is short for Mittens, you are obligated to write in Mittens Romney on the ballot.

Hashtags are not to be used all willy-nilly, especially when you aren’t on Twitter. Seriously, it’s not clever.

Leggings are not pants. “Jeggings” are also not pants. Shirts that awkwardly hang longer than an average shirt and end halfway down your butt are not dresses. Combining said non-pants with said non-dresses does not make an appropriate outfit. Two wrongs do not make a right.
Arianna Huffington must end her crusade into journalism, and take up her rightful post as the Karl Rove of the Democratic Party.

Even hardcore health freaks must recognize that bread is far too amazing to ever consider giving up gluten voluntarily.

Someone needs to figure out why every single ladies’ room at Miramonte is perennially covered in a thin layer of murky water.

This is the year for Donald Trump to change his notorious comb-over hairstyle. Perhaps, The Donald could shave his head a la Bruce Willis or go with a Paul Simon friar-esque coif.

Despite her recent Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, Mirador fan-favorite Paula Deen must not give up butter. Who else can give us recipes for hamburgers with donuts as buns?
To make up for last year’s snub, Ryan Gosling must be named Sexiest Man Alive in 2012. And the cover must involve his gorgeous face and a Hey girl meme.

The Al Gore internet joke is dead. It was never funny in the first place, and it’s even less funny after every single conservative pundit has parroted off some derivation of it.

Mad Men is not allowed to go on a ridiculously long extended hiatus ever again. The huddled masses cannot go over 500 days without a Don Draper fix.

Hillary Clinton must keep her current hairstyle. After a decade of questionable choices in the salon, Mrs. Clinton has hit a home run.

Newt Gingrich needs to enlist a member of his staff to follow him around constantly, and prevent him from doing ridiculous things like pledging to create a colony on the moon.