Why I Would Practice Polygamy with Hank and John Green

John Green *swoon*

John Green *swoon*

Kate Wolffe, Staff Writer

In 2007, brothers Hank and John Green set out on a project to avoid using any form of text-based communication and instead communicate exclusively via daily video blogs, “vlogs.” The VlogBrothers, as they’re known, have inadvertently started a revolution that has forever changed the meaning of the word nerd. The followers of Hank and John established a community, called Nerdfighters, that proudly embraces their dorkinesss. These “nerdfighters” got their name from a video game called “Aerofighters” that John accidentally read as “Nerdfighters.” What started out as a joke quickly became the basis for a wonderful and constantly evolving community. Fighting to “increase awsomeness and decrease suck,” Nerdfighters have collectively developed the Foundation to Decrease WorldSuck and continue to contribute to the brothers’ Project for Awesome, which in the past raised $10,000 for the cancer benefit This Star Won’t Go Out campaign and lended over $100,000 to entrepreneurs in developing countries via microbanking institution KIVA.

If you haven’t guessed already, I proudly count myself a nerdfighter. And who wouldn’t? John and Hank are intelligent, witty, caring— essentially perfect. I’m obviously a fan, but what many don’t know is that I also consider myself the future bride of the Green Brothers. That’s right, both of them. I can see the rolled eyes now, the disgusted looks. “Kate, polygamy is bad!”, “Kate, they’re already happily married with children”, “Kate, they’re more than 15 years older than you!”, “Kate, it violates Model Penal Code section 230.1,” etc.

It’s okay, though, I don’t expect them to understand. I know that only true nerdfighters get the connection between nerd and nerd-mentor. Forget for a moment the age differences, the marital statuses, approximately 2,215 miles of separation, and focus solely on our many shared attributes: love for Harry Potter, the internet, books, babies. And besides the obvious reasons (who wouldn’t love someone who calls acts of a sexual nature scoodly-poopin’), the boys are absolutely brilliant.

Hank, in his meager 31 years (he’s practically a teenager!) has obtained a bachelor’s degree in Biochemistry from Eckerd College and a master’s degree in Environmental Studies from the University of Montana. Hank manages the online blog focusing on technological advancements that benefit the environment, EcoGeek, as well as DFTBA Records, a site that provides a platform for up and coming Youtube artists.

The other half of the brothers, John, graduated from Kenyon College in 2000 with a double major in English and Religious Studies. John is also a #1 Bestselling author on the New York Times Bestseller List with his young adult fiction, churning out the incredibly popular works Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, Paper Towns, and The Fault in Our Stars.

Together, they’ve put this abundant knowledge to work, and for the past three months have been working in collaboration with the graphics team ThoughtBubble, making short and utterly hilarious educational videos, of which John does world history and Hank does biology.

They’re obviously a fantastic team, so why not make them actual brother-husbands? I need to hold off a little though, it’s been almost impossible to put my plan into action due to the minor detail that I haven’t officially met the brothers, so until I do, don’t forget to be awesome.