Boxers vs. Briefs

Spencer Hardwick, Staff Writer

To quote secret agent Maxwell Smart, “Am I wearing boxers? For future reference, I usually prefer briefs for their security and peace of mind. Going free-bird is not exactly ideal. I don’t like it.” But how does the world really feel? After all, we aren’t all secret agents. Maybe letting your chain hang low can be a good thing sometimes.

For years, the answer to this legendary question has been pursued by scientists and doctors alike. Study upon study have been conducted, rating comfortableness, looseness, and security, but still the answer eludes us. So to remedy this unfortunate situation, I took to the halls of Miramonte to find out which underwear was a favorite of Miramonte students: Boxers or Briefs?

“Personally I am more of a boxers guy,” sophomore Dylan Hoff said. “Briefs are just too tight and restricting. I prefer some breathability.” This sentiment was shared by many male students, who said they preferred the looseness of boxers to the sometimes too snug fit of briefs. Clearly the male demographic was swayed towards boxers.

But what about the female persuasion? Obviously they shouldn’t know much about this because they have probably never worn boxers or briefs, but what did they think guys would like? One junior girl, who chose not to be named, stated that, “I just like boxers as a girl so I know I would as a guy. I think it’d be really free and breezy.”

Clearly, whether they have two x-chromosomes or one, Miramonte students prefer boxers. But what kind? With so many different fabrics available in the world today, the options are truly limitless. But one fabric in particular rises above the rest. This is the fabric that made Columbus set sail for Western lands, the one that made a bunch of Middle Eastern dudes on camels trek miles and miles through the desert. This fabric is silk. Weaved from a delicate 40-60 ratio of what feels like chinchilla hair and clouds, silk boxers are the penultimate underpant. It is not unusual for the feeling of wearing them to be compared to the elation Buddhist monks feel when they reach nirvana. Truly, society will never again create something as amazing as silk boxers.