Breaking Down Breaking Dawn


Julia Hass, Staff Writer

Breaking Dawn Part 1, the fourth installment of the Twilight saga opened on November 18,2011. In the film, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) must deal with an unexpected pregnancy and various threats to their lives. Though this movie is supposed to be thrilling and heartwrenching, it ended up coming across as more of a comedy than it was supposed to.

It came as no surprise to anyone that 20 seconds into the movie Taylor Lautner
ripped his shirt off and the audience got a great view of The Abs. However, hold on to
this image, because his shirt remained on for the rest of the movie. Now if this
disappointing fact dissuades some from going, as it very well may, there is a saving
grace. Though in past movies Robert Pattinson has looked like a heavily made up
psychopath, and in real life he usually looks as though he just crawled out of a dumpster,
the makeup artists were able to find a happy medium, and made him look not so
clinically insane.

“Edward Cullen is hot. Jacob needs to go die,” said Luke Bohuslav, junior, and
known Twi-hard.

This was probably done to make up for Kristen Stewart’s utter repulsiveness when
she becomes pregnant. Kudos to her makeup artists—I’ve never seen anyone look so bad.

Speaking of bad, let’s talk about dear Ashley Greene. She is a terrible actress.
Granted, I’ve never seen her in anything else, and I fully understand that her lines in the
Twilight movies are far from genius, but I feel you are still able to distinguish whether
it’s the script’s fault or the actor’s. In this case it’s both. However, one actress who did
shine was Anna Kendrick. Though she had a total of three lines, she did provide pretty
much the only (intended) comic relief. And this is because Anna Kendrick is truly a good
actress. I wanted more of Jessica. Also Mike. I love Mike.

And for any Jasper Cullen fans out there, never fear! He did get his one line! It
was something bland and unnoticeable in the beginning. Oh, no, wait. He had two lines.
He also said the word “possibly,” later in the movie. You go, Jackson Rathbone!

Now onto the best moments of the movie (and by “best,” I mean the weirdest,
most hilarious, most ridiculous, etc.) Have I told serious Twilight fans to stop reading
yet? I really should’ve. Here are my top-three moments, though it was pretty darn hard to

First: the wolves talking to each other. It was probably the most hilarious thing
I’ve ever seen, so much better than anyone could’ve possibly imagined.

Second: seeing the venom go through Kristen Stewart’s bloodstream. It was so
weird, but it reminded me of that episode of the magic school bus where they travel
through Arnold’s bloodstream when he was sick, and anything that reminds me of the
magic school bus gets my stamp of approval. Because who doesn’t miss that great show?
It was entertaining and informative at the same time. Those were the days.

Finally: the scene where Taylor Lautner imprints (imprinting is that werewolf
thing where they lay eyes on a person and instantly know they are soul mates). Taylor
Lautner’s character got the incredible luck of imprinting on a day-old newborn. This
bears repeating: he fell in love with a baby. It was crazy.

I should give you all a fair warning about this movie. It was disgusting.
Remember that birthing video we were forced to watch in seventh grade biology? Yeah,
this was worse.
You have been forewarned. The last twenty minutes of the movie are bloody and
gory, and worst of all, you have to look at Kristen Stewart. And she was repulsive.

Overall Breaking Dawn was pretty boring, but if you truly are a Twilight fan, or if
you are just looking for a good laugh, this movie will deliver.